School’s in Session!

Do all African American’s look alike?

I know that sounds like a asinine question, but for the past 4 months I’ve had a picture of 1st Lady Michelle Obama with Oprah Winfrey at the Time Magazine 100 Most influential People dinner as my desktop photo (see photo below). Almost all of my non-African American coworkers have asked “who is that with you in the photo?” Most of the time I give them the side eye, but lately it’s become more and more annoying. Michelle Obama is the first lady, her face is almost everywhere and Oprah Winfrey is probably the most know African American woman in America. Yes, we’re women of the same race, but other than that I see no resemblance. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m honored, as I look up to and respect both of these women, I just don’t see how we even remotely favor. I think I would understand more if it was a picture of Judith Jamison and Debbie Allen or Lela Rochon and Vanessa Bell Calloway. Nothing against any of the women I just listed, I admire and respect them all, and I don’t think I resemble any of them either…I’m just saying they’re not as well known outside the African American community when compared to Oprah and Michelle Obama, so I could understand them not knowing who they were. But it’s the First Lady and the Queen of Media….that makes absolutely no sense to me. In college I used to always hear “You know they think we all look alike anyways” referring to how other races view African Americans, but I never paid much attention to it.

So I’ve decided to pay attention and starting Monday (January 25, 2010) I’m going to spotlight a new African American woman every week on my desktop, and instead of getting annoyed when they don’t know who she is, I’m going to simply take them to school! They’re 52 weeks in a year I wonder how long it takes before they get the point? Just call me Professor Townsend because class is officially in session…First up is Ms. Star Jones, she inspires me everyday with her tweets. It’s going to take some of her boldness to get this accomplished but I’m up for the challenge. Let’s get it!

Help Yourself!

I’m livid right now and I mean LIVID! I’m trying to comprehend how some people can be so cold-blooded. I was sitting at work and I overheard a coworker talking about the catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. When most people talk about the earthquake they are saying “what can I do”, “how can I help” or “I can’t imagine that happening to my family”. She’s not the nicest person so I knew none of those words were going to come out of her mouth but at the same time I didn’t expect what I heard. I only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, but it was enough to piss me off to the point where I had to walk out. (It was either walk out or go off and possibly lose my job) On my way out the door I ran into another one of my coworkers who actually heard the entire conversation and she too had to walk out. This heartless, poor excuse for a human had the audacity to say the people of Haiti are sitting around waiting on “Handouts” and they should “Help Themselves”. I’m floored right now….seriously, what human, forget race, could look at those pictures, see all those bodies in the road, see the devastation and still say they should “Help Themselves”? HOW? They’re already doing everything they can just to stay alive. But I guess that’s not enough in her eyes. Oh, so I suppose they asked for the earthquake? Yes that’s it, they wanted their homes destroyed, and they wanted to lose their family and friends, just so they could get a “Handout”? She can’t be serious….

I honestly can’t believe the nerve. I’m still trying to figure out how when one of my other coworkers recently lost her brother and her mother less than a week apart she (the heartless one) was running around here, like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get us to give donations to the other coworker “because it’s so sad and tragic”, but Haitians just want “handouts“????? Hmmm so let me get this right… when two people in one family unexpectedly die its “sad and tragic” and we should “do what we can to help”, but when thousands of people die we shouldn’t do anything because they just want “handouts”? Yeah, that makes perfect sense….NOT! I’m trying not to make this an issue of race but in all honesty that’s what it boils down too. Had this happened in a place that was predominately white I don’t think, matter fact I know, she wouldn’t have said anything like that. She would have been the first one sending out emails asking for donations, ooohing and ahhhing over the photos, and acting like she’s so heartbroken by all the little helpless kids that have lost their parents.

I need ya’ll to pray because I’m about 5 seconds away…Matter fact I’ll pray…Lord please give me the strength to make it through this day without going off on her. I’ve ignored several of her other racist comments. When she said that she told her daughter it was okay to call a black person a n****r if that’s how they were acting I was still cordial towards her (Only because I didn’t actually hear it myself). When she stated that people that went to Fayetteville State University probably couldn’t even spell “soccer”, I bit my tongue…Then I wore my North Carolina Central University T-shirt to work, hoping she would say something about my school…Lord, I don’t want to be the token black chick, the one that’s quick to go off or that’s overly sensitive about issues related to race, but this woman has pushed every button I have. My parents said I have one “get out of jail free card” I just may end up using it on her. I can’t take much more of her ignorance.

 Wooo Saaaaahhhh Ok ya’ll I just did something that made me feel 10 times better. I had ordered some Girl Scout cookies from her daughter but I sent her an email which stated “In wake of this tragic earthquake I would like to do my part and send as much money as I can to the Red Cross and other relief agencies. With that being said, I have to cut back in areas that aren’t necessities.” I doubt she responds but in my eyes her daughter is just someone who wants a handout and she’s sitting around waiting on her mommy to sell her cookies. I can hear ya’ll now, Rachelle you can afford cookies and to donate…you’re right, I can…but I think I’ll take my business elsewhere!

 I choose not to include any pictures from this devastating earthquake because I can’t bare to look at them.

Time Will Tell….’Cause I’m Not!

Lately a few of my girls have been getting on me about not telling them everything they think I should. I tried explaining to them that as much as I may want to share, some things aren’t meant to be shared (just yet), even if you are “best friends”. I’ve never been the type to brag or boast about relationships, friends, who I know, etcetera. It’s not that I’m ashamed of them; it’s just that I feel the less people know about certain situations the better. I’m not saying don’t talk to your friends, I’m simply saying some things should remain private. Timing is everything and how you feel today may not be how you feel tomorrow. Prime example…A few years ago one of my best friends called and stated that she felt like her boyfriend was cheating on her. She ran down this long list of things he’d done, things she’d seen, messages she’d read as her proof. (It was some solid proof; there was NO WAY he could have denied anything!) My other homegirl and I were ready for war. She was packing her bags and we were booking our flights…then the next week she was right back with him. Now as her friends, having heard how hurt she was when she felt like he was cheating, having seen the proof she had with our own eyes, it was hard for us to respect him. That was 2 years ago, they’re still together, but we no longer look at him the same. We simply tolerate him because that’s who she chooses to be with. Now she wants to know why we never want to meet up at their house or why we never come over to just chill. Although she’s moved passed him cheating, we still remember! Wrong…I know. Hey at least we don’t bring it up to her, we just don’t go over there and we don’t talk about him with her. That way we won’t hurt her feelings with our opinions and she won’t feel like we’re always bashing “her boo” although she’s the one that gave us the ammunition.

Oh I have another example…One of my girls (I love her like a sister) is just so depressing. Every time she calls I have to brace myself for a depressing story. I’ve known her since 2003 and I don’t think she’s ever called and our whole conversation was “happy”. No matter how hard I try to make her see the silver lining or the glass as half full, she see’s it as half empty. One of the girls in our crew got engaged last year. We were all so happy for them, their relationship had weathered the storm and we were all ecstatic they made it through. In the middle of our friend telling us the details of how he proposed the negative one jumps in and states “well he just got a real job, he can barely take care of you now, how are you going to afford a wedding?” Can you say “buzz kill”? But how could she have known this about the guy without the fiancé telling her? The fiancé gave her the grenade so she just pulled the pin.

Please don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with talking to your girls, sharing fun times, and letting them in on your happiness. But at the same time, have boundaries. There are some things that should just between you and your significant other.

So…..

To My Girls: Ya’ll know me…I’m just not the type of person to put my personal life on blast. I know those of you that are married understand. The less you tell, the more you give people the opportunity to form their own opinion. We’ve all experienced how venting a little too much can turn the whole crew against someone without giving them a fair chance. I’m the baby of the crew but I’m a big girl…I got this…TRUST ME!

To Everyone Else: You don’t know anything…You can read all my Tweets and analyze all my Facebook statuses and still not have a clue what’s going on. If you see us together, you see us. It doesn’t necessarily mean we’re together…or does it? LOL! Just because I post a love song on my status doesn’t mean it’s about him, it could just be the song that I was listening to at the moment and the lyrics stuck out to me. Sheessh, get a life. You think you know but you have no idea! And another thing, don’t make small talk with me just so you can ask if we’re together. You will definitely get the *side eye* and the *are you effin serious face*

With that being said…I’m at a place of pure and utter happiness! I made up my mind coming into this New Year that I was going to have a great year, and so far I’ve been doing just that. God is so AMAZING and He has my life in his hands. My prayer for 2010 is that I’m in God’s will. My 2009 happened like it did so that my 2010 can happen like it should. All the hurt, pain, loss and disappointment prepared me for such a time as this. So if you feel the need to ask me a question, ask about the studio that I’m working on opening, the dance camps I’m trying to set up in the community, the life’s I plan on changing, the book I’ve already started writing, the stages I plan on dancing on…ask about something other than who I’m dating…because at the end of the day…how does that affect you? Let me make this easy for you…truth be told…you never had a chance anyway!

I kept saying I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’m sick and tired of the questions, messages, and tweets. So this is your answer… “IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS”

PS: I know many will say, I told by writing this blog…ha that’s where you’re wrong. I just thought I give you something else to talk about! *Insert EVIL LAUGH *

Dead Noses Can’t Smell Roses

This year has been crazy, especially as it relates to death. It’s amazing how when people are living we don’t have two words for them, but as soon as they’re dead and gone we want to cry and profess our love for them. Shouldn’t we let them know just how much they mean, and how much we love them before they’re gone? I’m sorry and this may sound cold, but what good is it to look up at the sky and say what you should have said to their face? My grandmother used to always say “Give me my flowers while I’m living, because dead noses can’t smell roses.” She passed away when I was 13 and at the time I didn’t fully understand what she meant, but the older I got, the more I understood just what she was saying. Don’t wait until your loved ones can’t respond to tell them just how you feel. Don’t walk around angry and bitter for no reason, especially over something trivial. As this year has shown us, life is entirely too short. We see on the news every single day how babies and children are loosing their lives. People that we consider “young” are dying from things that we thought only “old” people could die from. People say this all the time but I think we, especially us younger people, take life for granted. Live each day on purpose because tomorrow isn’t promised!

I know this was pretty random but I’m just tired of people starting to care about someone once it’s too late. Tell people how you feel now; forget being “hard” because there’s nothing “hard” about burying someone you care about wishing you would have told them how you felt.

 Love

~ Rachelle Danielle

The List

This is crazy! Nah actually it’s beyond crazy, but in a good way…I think?!?!? Its funny how we have our life’s planned out. We want to do “this” by the time we’re this age and we want to accomplish “that” before we’re another age. I must admit, when I was about 12 I wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish and the age at which I wanted to accomplish those things. I won’t say I had some unrealistic expectations but I did have some unrealistic time frames. For instance I wanted to graduate from college, get married, and have 3 kids all before the age of 21. Ummm soooo yeah….Let’s just take a moment to Thank God for none of that nonsense not coming to pass. Now can I get an Amen? Granted I did graduate from college when I was 21, and I do still want to get married and have 3 kids. But the thought of me at 21 married with kids creeps me out. At 21I was learning who I was. I was just realizing that it’s okay to take the road less traveled and not apologize for it. I was just beginning to discover my true purpose for being placed on this earth. And to think, at the age of 12, I thought I’d know everything by the time I was 18…SMH the mindset of a 12 year old.

 My father and I were talking on Thanksgiving and I was sharing with him how although I’d accomplished quite a bit, considering the fact that I’m only 24, there were still something’s I thought I’d have by now that I don’t. There were some places that I’d thought I would have gone by now that I haven’t. I proceeded to tell him about how I had made a list of things I’d wanted to accomplish when I was 12 and with the exception of graduating, buying my car, dancing in front of thousands and going to Africa I hadn’t accomplished anything else on the list. We began to talk about the things I’d written on this now 12 year old list. He assured me that in due time, God’s time, things would come together for me and that I would be able to see that I’m actually right on track to accomplish “The List”. When I got in my car to head back home I couldn’t do anything but cry. I just thought about how things weren’t working out in the manner in which I felt like they should. I thought about how I wanted to write a book and I wanted Ms. Oprah to pick it for her book club. But now since she’s leaving next year I wouldn’t have that opportunity, because even if I started it that day I didn’t see how it would be published or how she would even see it. Don’t Laugh! I was an ambitious child. Yes, I was pouting and having a “whoa it’s me” pity party…but we all have those moments…don’t we?!?!?

Anyhoo…for the past year or so I had really been wanting one thing in particular. I won’t say what it was/is, but it meant/means a lot to me. I was starting to feel like maybe that one thing would never happen. Maybe it’s not in God’s plan for me. Just when I was about to say “forget it” and move on to the next dream, I’m starting to feel like it’s possible. I’m starting to feel like it’s really going to happen and soon. I know you’re like, “what is this girl talking about?” I’m talking about a dream. Something that I’ve wanted since I can remember but never thought I could have. Those people that are closest to me will tell you I’m the go to person. Anytime something is wrong or someone needs to vent they come to me. If they only knew that this one thing has brought me to my knees many nights. Just the thought of it finally being a reality is too hard to put into words. I mean have you ever asked for something for so long that when you’re finally on the brink of getting it you begin to freak out? Well that’s exactly where I am today. Too be 100% honest I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it. Last year this time you couldn’t have told me I’d be where I am today. I would have betted my last against it. Sure I wanted it to happen, just never thought this would be HIS route. I’m still pinching myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. 2009 hasn’t been the easiest year…I think I’ve cried more this year than I did in 1999 (when my grandmother passed away); now that this year is almost over and my dream is almost a reality I’m looking forward to 2010. You should have kicked me when I was down because I’m on my way up and there’s no stopping me now!

Beyond Disgusted

For the past week I’ve been holding myself back from writing. I don’t like to judge or “go in” on people without all the facts but today was the last straw. I’m so sick and tired of these pervs messing with these little kids. First it was the whole Shaniya Davis incident which disgusted me beyond measure. Seriously, I can’t even really write about it. In order to write about something you have to be able to comprehend it and that’s not something I think I’ll ever be able to comprehend. I’ve never been one that supported the death penalty but I would like to see both her mother and the perv that “kidnapped” her put in front of the firing squad. I mean how can the very woman that was supposed to protect you be the one that puts you in harms way…I can’t do anything but shake my head. I’m not a mother, and I don’t know the day to day stress and pressure of motherhood. But I would like to believe that as a human, forget being a mother, I would never consider placing a child in harms way; especially not for personal gain. If you don’t want your child there are so many safe places that you could take them. There are so many families fighting to have a child that can’t and you’re blessed with something as precious as a life and you knowingly place it in harms way. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fathom that.  Oh yeah and another thing that irks me about this case is everyone keeps talking about how pretty she was and why did it have to happen to such a beautiful little girl. Would it suit you better if the little girl wasn’t “pretty”…I’m sorry I just don’t understand how the way she looks has anything to do with ANYTHING. I don’t care what she looked like, that’s something that NO CHILD should have to endure especially not at the hands of their mother. That’s all I’ll say about that.             

Not long after I was reading about little Miss Davis I came across another story about a man killing his son for supposedly molesting his 3 year old half-sister. I proceed to read the comments under the story and a majority of the people were calling the father a monster. From what I understood from the comments, the fact that the young man was his son was what made him a “Monster”. To be quite honest, in my book the 15year old is the monster. Anyone that would inappropriately touch a child is a Monster.  I’m not condoning the fathers’ actions, but at the same time I understand how he could have “snapped”. I’d honestly like to say I wouldn’t have killed my own child. I’d like to say I would have just talked to him and let him know that this can NEVER EVER happen again, but I can’t stand flat footed and say that would have been my response. I mean who’s to say how long that’s been going on? Who’s to say he would have ever stopped? I’m sorry but you can say what you want, I think he was being a father…protecting his daughter. Granted it was an extremely drastic way of protecting her and the fact that he killed the young man “execution style” is rather hard to process, but I honestly can’t call the man a monster. Was he wrong? VERY! Could he have found another way to punish the young man? OF COURSE! But a monster….I can’t agree with that one.

Then I received an email with the subject “Unbelievable.”  I opened up the email thinking I was going to see some amazing pictures or read about how someone was miraculously saved from a car accident. Boy was I wrong. It was a link to a Memphis news station that was reporting about a 9year old little girl performing oral sex on an 8year old boy in the school library. Apparently the young man tried to tell but was asked if he was telling on himself? Basically the librarian was telling him that snitching wasn’t cool, even if you’re in an uncomfortable situation. At first I was upset with the Librarian for ignoring him, but the more I thought about it, the more upset I became with the little girls parents…or lack there of. I understand kids are being exposed to sex a lot earlier on in life than we were, but at the same time, for her to force herself on him is mind boggling. I know most men will read this and think it’s cool or “He’s the man” Quite frankly I think it’s repulsive. She’s in school to learn, not to practice becoming the next Superhead. Maybe I’m just old school but 8 and 9 year olds should not being kissing, fondling, or having sex. Their bodies aren’t even developed. This whole scenario raises so many questions. What has this little girl been exposed to? Has she been forced to do this before? Are her parents encouraging this behavior? Is this the first guy she’s done it too at school? (Maybe the other guys thought it was cool) There are so many thoughts running through my mind. Parents are quick to blame BET for their child’s behavior but there has to come a time when parents take accountability for what they’re teaching (not teaching) their children.

Last year I found out that a high school friend had gotten her tubes tied and she hadn’t had any children. When I asked her about this she stated that she didn’t want to risk bringing a child into this crazy world; so when she reached an age where the doctors would perform the procedure, she went for it. I looked at her and her mother like they were crazy. What woman doesn’t want children…ever? I mean I for one don’t want any right now, but once I’m married I would love to have children. Anyhoo, every time I saw her after the procedure I felt like she cheated herself out of something so precious, so wonderful, so life changing….then I come across stories like these and I understand why she made the decision. Granted I wouldn’t go to that extreme because I think children are a gift from God, but for the first time I understood why. I’m beyond disgusted. I’ve been shaking my head the whole time trying to write this. There is so much I want to say but just reading the words on this page is making me sick. I’m done!

I Support You

I’m almost in tears right now. I just got off the phone with one of my best guy friends. He and I met in Spanish 2; my 10th grade, his 12th grade year. He used to cheat off my paper, but he was cute, popular, an athlete and a senior so I looked at it like I was supporting my school. Nah but seriously, that was a little more than 8 years ago and he and I still talk almost daily. Today during lunch he began to share with me how he was a little nervous about finally graduating from school. He went straight to college from high school. He did pretty well his freshman year, but his sophomore year he got off track and ended up dropping out. Fast forward to 2 years ago, he made the decision to go back and finish what he started. Well in May he’ll be walking across that stage and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Just last week he was talking about how excited he was that it was almost over…So in the middle of our conversation when he made the statement “Chelle imma drop out!” I didn’t know what to say or think. Initially I was waiting for him to say that he was just kidding. Then he went on to say how he wasn’t sure what he was going to do after college and how he’s always had school as a crutch. Meaning whenever someone asked him what he was doing with his life or what he was up too he could say “Oh I’m about to go back to school” or “I’m in school right now.” But once he graduates he won’t be able to say that. He went on to talk about how he hears men of other races talking about their plans when they reach 60 and how being 60 has never crossed his mind. “Man to be honest I’m amazed I made it to 26.” As I was listening to him speak my heart felt like it was breaking. Here is an educated African America male, with a strong support system, without a criminal record, not running the streets, an active father, and he’s amazed he made it to age 26????

That didn’t make any sense to me. I asked him why he felt that way and his statements literally blew my mind…he said “Chelle most guys from Goldsboro don’t think they’re going to make it to their 21st birthday, let alone their 25th. Here I am 26. I didn’t expect to make it here so I don’t have a plan. If you think about it, most of the guys that graduated with me are either dead or in jail so I just wasn’t prepared for life” I’m holding the phone shaking my head like “he can’t be saying this.” Here is a man that I’ve watched grow over the years. I’ve watched him lose his best friend and still keep moving. I’ve watched him deal with everything that was thrown at him and he kept pressing forward. He’s set the standard for the other guys that we grew up with. Yet he still feels lost. He still feels like he doesn’t belong in this big world. If he’s feeling like this, I can’t imagine how some other guys that haven’t accomplished as much as he has, or doesn’t have the support that he has feels. As a woman I feel like there’s only so much I can do. I mean I can support him and encourage him to stay on the right track. I can be the voice of reason when he’s getting ready to do something stupid. But I still feel like my hands are tied. As a friend it hurts to hear someone you care about sound so hopeless, even if it is only for a brief moment. I know he’ll bounce back, but still…I can’t help but think about all the guys who don’t bounce back. Those that are in his shoes and just throw in the towel.

So I would like to take this time to send a shout out to all the African American men that have made something of themselves in spite of their situation. Shout out to those of you that didn’t become a statistic. Even those of you that did, but didn’t stay one…I commend you for that. Those of you that graduated and are being productive citizens and are proving that not all black men end up in jail…I truly Thank You. Thank you for proving that not all African American men are deadbeats. Thank you for showing America that Black Men can be more than just a drug dealer or hoodlum. Thank you for showing them that not all Black Men speak in broken English and wear their jeans saggin. I know it hasn’t been easy, but the simple fact that you didn’t give up says a lot about your character. So just in case you’ve never heard it, haven’t heard it in a while, or hear it everyday…Thank You! You guys are the head and when you’re on track it makes it easier for us (African American women) to be on track!

~RachelleDanielle

The Hope of Change

Wow today makes exactly one year since I voted for change. Since we voted for change. I like to feel like it was my vote that made the difference, but truth of the matter it was all of our votes that made the difference. I needed you to vote just as you needed me to vote. I remember the excitement and anxiety that I felt that entire day. I work from 7:00am – 3:30pm so I got up extra early that morning just so I could get to the polls early and walk around all day with my “I Voted” sticker on at work. I’m usually the one that hits the snooze button a couple times, but on that particular morning I had no problem getting up. As a matter of fact, I was up before the alarm went off. The polls opened at 6:30 and I was in line at 6:15. It was raining, but I like so many other people didn’t care. We huddled under our umbrellas as we waited to get inside the building. Once we made it inside, it was so many people that all of the privacy booths were full. The poll workers gave us the option of going to a public table. I had to be to work at 7:00 and I had nothing to hide so I went and sat down at the table. As I was finishing up my ballot a man walked up to the table and stated “Now I’m going to sit down here and let ya’ll see who I’m voting for, because there’s only one choice” I along with all the other voters at the table immediately started laughing and gave him a nod letting him know that we felt the same way. He then sat down and said “Now somebody come and help me fill this thing out. I’m 52 years old and this is my first time voting.” A poll worker came over to help him as I was running my ballot thru the machine. I was voter number 116 and it was only 6:50am. I could only hope that the other 115 voters ahead of me had voted for Senator Obama as well.

When I got in my car I called my mom in tears. For the first time in my life, I felt like my vote had made a difference. I drove the 5 minutes to work with tears in my eyes and joy in my heart. I pulled into the parking lot and had to take a moment to gather myself. I couldn’t help but think about my parents, both of whom served in the US Military. My great- grandmother who at the time was 94 years old and had never thought an African American governor let alone a President was possible. My little sister who although wasn’t old enough to vote, would reap the benefits if Senator Obama won. I was consumed by the emotions of “what if”. What if this time my vote really made the difference? You see my first time voting was in 2004 during the Bush/Kerry election and Former President Bush won by a landslide, so I felt like my vote didn’t matter. I’d watched P. Diddy lead all of these “Vote or Die” campaigns and for Former President Bush to win by as many votes and he won by, I felt like this country girl from North Carolina marking a block on a ballot couldn’t possibly make a difference. But my ancestors had fought so hard for me to have the right to vote that I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from casting my ballot. As I got out of my car a fellow coworker saw my “I voted” sticker and stated “Gosh I hopes he wins” as she opened up her coat and showed me a “Yes We Can” button hidden inside. Here was this hippy looking Caucasian woman as excited and anxious as I at the possibility of Senator Obama becoming president. She gave me a hug and we both walked into the building. I’d seen this particular woman a number of times, we’d never talked, we’d never even spoken, but for those brief moments she felt like a life long friend.

I could barely work all day. My mind was everywhere. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t do anything but hope my vote was heard. My coworkers and I had done so well by not discussing politics in the work place, but on that day, all rules were out the window. We couldn’t help but talk about the excitement of possibly seeing a dream our ancestors, and some of us if we’re honest, never thought was possible, become reality. After work I went straight home and curled up on the couch and watched every news channel I could watch. I knew the winner wasn’t going to be announced until later that night but NOTHING else mattered to me. It was me, the couch, my blanket, the remote, and the TV. My mom and little sister tried to get me to go to a watch party at a local church, but I refused. I wanted to be home. It wasn’t that I was being anti-social…I just felt so strongly about Senator Obama that I wasn’t sure how I would have reacted had he not won. I didn’t want to throw something and it accidentally hit someone, or break someone’s belongings, so I felt like it would be best if I stayed in my own little world.

I was watching the election results and I heard the anchor say “Senator Obama has won Pennsylvania” I screamed and broke out into tears. It was at that moment that I knew Senator Obama was destined to become President Obama. Not long after they announced Pennsylvania, the west coast polls closed and his picture popped up on the screen. The words under his picture read “President Elect Barack Obama!” I paused the DVR box and just stared at his picture on the TV for a while, shaking my head. I knew what I was seeing, but I didn’t believe it. I knew I’d hoped for change, but the thought that it had actually come was too much for me to take in. He did it! I mean WE did it! America got it right! They looked past his color, his age, his experience, the controversial remarks made by his former pastor; they looked past it all and saw that regardless of all the naysayer’s he was the best person to lead America. As the tears ran down my face I heard my cell phone ringing. It was one of my friends from work. My voice cracked as I said hello, she stated “OMG Chelle he did it, we did it Chelle, we did it, OMG we did it. I am so happy right now you just don’t understand!” “I know” was all I could get out as we cried on the phone.

After she and I got off the phone I couldn’t help but think about how things had come full circle for President Elect Obama. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. As disappointed as I was that Senator Kerry lost the election in 2004, it had to happen that way. I borrowed a saying from a guy on BET and it has become my personal motto, “Yesterday happened like it did so that tomorrow can happen like it should.” Had Former President Bush not been re-elected, Senator Kerry would have been president 2004-2008.  Then former Senator Obama wouldn’t have run. It took Senator Kerry running, former Senator Obama speaking at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, Senator Kerry loosing, and former President Bush failing, for us to get to this point.

I’m usually in the bed by 9:30 or 10:00 but I stayed up just so I could watch my future President give his acceptance speech. He said quite a few things that motivated me, but what stuck out the most was him saying “If there is anyone out there who doubts that America is a place where anything is possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer…” He was 100% correct. That night was my answer. I went to bed that night smiling from ear to ear, in my green “Yes We Can” shirt. It was no longer just a catchy phrase; it was now a call to action…A call to provoke the change that we all voted for. I was ready and inspired to do my part and for the first time in my life I knew that it was nothing, absolutely nothing that could stop me.

Eagles, Aggies, and Rat Tails!

This past weekend was very interesting in more ways than one. It started off with me going to Durham on Friday to help out with the homecoming events. I had the honor of meeting and sitting at the feet of some of the class of 1959. They were at the Sheraton celebrating their 50^th year class reunion. One gentleman stopped me and asked if I was a current student. I told him that I’d graduated May 2007 and that I hope to be able to celebrate my 50^th year reunion someday. He began to tear up as he shared how his journey hadn’t been easy but how he was thankful that he along with so many of his other classmates had made it to see this day. Ya’ll know I’m one of the biggest cry babies so it took everything in me not to let my tears fall, but Mr. Warren really touched my heart. I really could have stayed there all night just listening to their stories about our Alma Mater. Speaking of which they knew every word of the Alma Mater without looking at the paper. All I ever knew was the refrain…SMH I’m embarrassed. I felt like a bad alumnus, so my goal is to learn the entire song by next homecoming!

Verse I

The sloping hills, the verdant green,
The lovely blossoms’ beauteous sheen
Surround our college proud and gay,
Where wave our colors, Maroon and Gray.
What matters it how far we roam?
Our thoughts will oft return to home,
And hearts will e’er be true to thee,
Our Alma Mater, N.C.C.

Refrain

Then Rah! Rah! Rah! For our colors so gay!
Dear old N.C.C.’s Maroon and Gray;
Thy sons and daughters will honor thee,
Dear old N.C.C.

Verse II

We’ve gathered here to fit our lives,
As from the darkness light revives,
So let us hail, both night and day,
Our glorious colors, Maroon and Gray.
We’ll ever love and honor thee,
For thou hast taught us loyalty.
Then let our watchword “service” be,
To Alma Mater, N.C.C.

Verse III

You send us forth with hearts of love;
So like a blessing from above,
And from the path we’ll never stray,
Our dear Alma Mater, Maroon and Gray.
We’ll work and fight, we’ll win our way.
When duty calls, we shall obey.
And may we e’er return to thee,
Our Alma Mater, N.C.C!

            As Mr. Warren and I were talking one of my former teachers whom I didn’t realize was an alumnus, walked by. He and I both looked at her and chuckled. This lady is still walking around rocking a curly afro and a rat tail. Yes a rat tail! I had to do a double take. It was nice to see that although our generations differ in so many ways, he too found a rat tail in 2009 to be funny.

Then on Saturday morning I checked my bank account and realized that another pay day had come and gone and a fellow NCCU alumnus still hadn’t done what they said they were going to do.  So I sent them a text message which stated “Seriously this makes no sense. You said you weren’t trying to eff me over but you are definitely fooling me. If you’re not going to pay me back just say that. Don’t have me expecting something and you not come thru. Bank of rachelle is closed but bank of America is open today til 1. I’d appreciate a deposit.” This person responds back by saying “First I’m not, second I don’t want to argue…third save your f*%&ing sarcasm…shocked you know who I am since u spend your time talking to my friends rather than me.” (Then the issue of money was addressed) Now I’m looking at the phone like “huh” granted I was being very sarcastic in my text, but since September I’ve been told every excuse why the money hasn’t been paid. And what makes it even worse is this person waits until I ask them for the money to give an excuse. As I stated in a previous blog, if I owed someone something, they wouldn’t have time to ask me for anything. They would probably get tired of me calling them to let them know what was going on. But instead of taking that approach, they want to bring up who I talk to. I’m confused…what does who I talk to have to do with you paying me my money. How does you not wanting to argue have anything to do with you paying me my money? In my eyes it’s a simple case…Just pay back the money. Then it dawned on me, this person is a hit dog hollering. (No I’m not calling them a dog.) When a person is guilty, they’ll do anything it takes to deflect the guilt. Even if that means pulling unrelated issues in just so they won’t have to bear the burden of guilt alone. And for the record…I haven’t “talked” to any of their “friends”…I have responded to a couple of their friends (who I actually had met thru a mutual friend who dances) “tweets” so if that’s “talking” to their friends I guess I’m guilty as charged.

Anyhoo, after that pointless text conversation, I went to dance practice, and then I went to get my hair braided. Practice was from 8:30-10:30am and my appointment was at 11am. The lady calls me at 10:45 asking where I was. I told her that I had just gotten out of dance practice and that I’d be there before my 11am appointment. So I walk into the shop at 10:52 and she’s not even ready. She’s still walking around trying to set up her station. So now I’m pissed…how do you call rushing me, but when I get here, you’re not ready? So anyways, she starts on my hair, and then some lady that I’ve never seen comes out from the back and starts working on the back of my head. It didn’t bother me because I was getting micros and I didn’t want to be in that shop all day, so the more people the better. After about an hour or so, the lady who was supposed to be doing my hair just gets up and walks out the shop. I guess the other lady saw the expression on my face because she was like “oh oh she went to the store, she’ll be right back.” Fifteen minutes went by, she comes back and gets something out the back and leaves again. Needless to say I was not pleased. I’m paying you my money to do my hair, I’ve been coming to you since I was 19 and you just leave someone else to braid my hair???? I’m sorry if you had something else to do, you should have said that. The other lady did do a good job, but she was VERY slow. I chopped it up as a cultural difference

On a brighter note…the Mighty Eagles of North Carolina Central University won the homecoming game. And a little bulldog they call an Aggie lost. LOL Who loses homecoming? I don’t care if you lose every game of the season, you better win homecoming. I can hear you Aggies now, and I’ll give it to you…yeah ya’ll beat us this year. But losing homecoming??? That’s almost as bad as asking all your whole family to come to watch you play and you are a bench warmer!

“Oh That’s So and So’s Baby Momma”

Yesterday I read a tweet from a high school friend. In his tweet he said “Its too many black women that can say they’re mothers, but can’t say they’re wives…that’s gotta change.” A few hours after I read that tweet I got a message on Facebook from a former classmate. Her first question to me was “so how many kids do you have, I have 3?” I’m starring at the screen on my phone like, of all the questions you could have asked, of all the things that could have happened in my life since we’ve last seen each other over 6 years ago, the first thing you want to ask me is not if I have kids but how many do I have? My 1^st thought was “is she trying to call me a whore?” because in my eyes,  that sounds like a question you would ask someone who you just know is “out there” and ummm EVERYONE knows that’s not the case. My next thought was “maybe she just doesn’t know any better.” After all we did grow up in a small town where there are more “baby mommas” than there are college graduates. I left that town in 10^th grade and I honestly don’t go back unless I have too. I can’t tell you how many emails and Facebook messages I get from people asking if I think I’m better than them since I don’t participate in anything back home. You know it’s bad when one of my cousins is trying to get to me to remember someone and the best description they can give is “come on you know who I’m taking about…that’s so and so’s baby momma.” But to answer the question No, I don’t I think I’m better than anyone…I just get tired of answering the same ignorant questions. Every time I go back I have the same conversation with at least 5 different people.

 Them: Hey stranger, you left and didn’t look back

Me: Yeah, I have big dreams and Goldsboro is too small to hold them all.

Them: Do you have any children?

Me: Nope

Them: Huh you don’t have any at all?

Me: None at all. I’m barely out of college, I’m still young and I’m not married (As I hold up my left hand ring finger) so I’m in no rush

Them: Oh so you’re going to wait until you’re married to have kids?

Me: Uh yeah, I can barely take care of myself.

 End Scene

 I’m telling you, it’s every single time I go back. And what makes it worse is…it’s a different set of people each time, and it’s not just people my age asking me the questions. I mean its fully grown women, people that graduated with my mom questioning me about not having kids. Initially I used to just laugh, but now it’s plain annoying. Here I am getting the 3^rd degree because I have a degree and not a child. That’s foolish to me. Why am I interrogated for hours for having values and not settling for just being someone’s “baby momma”? What makes it even worse is the people who are questioning me don’t even want to get married; they’re content with just being a “baby momma”. You don’t see me going around questioning people who have kids. Seriously though…how would they feel if my first question to them was “So how many baby daddy’s do you have?”

I’m just saying…Don’t come at me foul because I’ve decided not to be another black statistic. I refuse to apologize for having dreams and aspirations. I’m not going to hang my head low or down play my accomplishments because I haven’t accomplished motherhood. As a matter of fact, I don’t have a car seat, baby bag, and a baby weighing me down, so that leaves more room for me to stand taller and walk prouder. So just as I don’t look down on you for being my age and having SEVERAL children and SEVERAL “baby daddy’s”…Don’t look down on me for not being someone’s “Baby Momma”

 I understand marriage isn’t for everyone. I also understand that some people are “baby mommas” by force and not by choice. Those are the people I like to call “Single Moms” I know plenty of women who were with guys for years before they got pregnant then once the baby came into the picture the guys flipped on them. I know they would kill to have a stable father figure in their child’s life. I even know women who allowed themselves to be used by their “baby daddy” just so the guy would be a part of the child’s life. So, Single Moms and Baby Momma’s are not the same type of women. Single moms are cut from a different cloth. Those are the women I commend! I commend them on their strength. I commend them for being strong women who are dedicated to giving their child(ren) better lives. Hat’s off to all of you for making the best of a not so ideal situation. Hats off to all of you for putting your dreams to the side for your little ones. Single moms I love and respect! Baby Momma’s I challenge you to make up your mind to be more than just “so and so’s baby momma”.